That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
