i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
