It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I didn't notice because vodka
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I currently don't understand fingers.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
