His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
