I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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