is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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