I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
