jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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