Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
