I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
