fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
