but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
