wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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