Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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