Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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