Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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