just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
