Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
