I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
