Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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