omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
