if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
