and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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