I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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