You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
