Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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