i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
