Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
