Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pooping to opera.
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