You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just found puke in my bra..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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