It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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