david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
