I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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