Ambien. No doubt about it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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