so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize