Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
