Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Be still, my beating vagina.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
