Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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