I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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