Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
