I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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