I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
