Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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