Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I died a long time ago.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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