drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
