I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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