I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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