i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
