I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
