I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize