im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
