i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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