if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
