Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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