We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
