went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
