I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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