If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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