4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
