he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Boobs speak an international language.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
