You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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