I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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