the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
