On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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