is your mom at the bar?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
