I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
