i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
