the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
