i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
