If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
