dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
