The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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