We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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