sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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