is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize