I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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