i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
