also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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