Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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