omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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