thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
