if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
