Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
